Tuesday, February 25, 2014

In Dreams


In the twilight of awakening,
I surrender to places beyond this hollow flesh.
I tremble in the wake of missing you,
desperately shutting my eyes,  
for a pale resurrection 
in a miasma of mind.

Only in the depths of dark I see you,
as though you waited for me all along.
And for a bare moment I forget you’re gone.

I forget the hatred, the anger,
a suffering so deep it defies belief;
replaced with play and feeling safe -
the chase, a ball, a game,
your face, 
it fades..

I blame myself.
I blame myself.
I blame myself.
It’s all my fault.

Have you gone to Peter at the gate?
Do you swirl still inside us, when the hour grows late? 
I'll take you as such. 
But do you count my broken promises? 
(I said too much)

I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I hate me.

My apology --
forever inclined to heaven,
though you’re interred in earth. 
In life our golden globules gleamed,
an aspiratory dream
that in the years of your absence
loses all meaning
and haunts me. 

So selfish, I beg for salvation,
though I couldn’t do the same for you.
A final false adieu
I cannot attend to.

I watch the doors,
portals where you came and went
as if you might stroll through,
trolling me was so like you -
and I wish it weren't true..

Is this real?
Is this real?
Is this real?
The illusion has appeal.

So I shut my eyes and dream –
I prefer this sweet sleep,
where you are with me.