Sunday, September 2, 2012

Manifesto of the Unbound



                It was never my intention for this blog to be a space for catharsis, nor a personal treatise, as if any human being could be so compelling a character to warrant that sort of vanity. As such, my associations with the blogosphere have been reluctant, finding that pride is a corrosive sin where wisdom is concerned.  All the same, I’m subject to ape’isms I abhor.  This will be the last among them, and in a way, it is acceptable in its self-reflection.
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                I am unbound.  It takes being close to death to lose your fear of it, and death has been stalking me for many years (and still is). Yet stimuli of any kind are sufficient to dull themselves to the observer, as the frog eases into boiling.  Although it sounds morose, I no longer consider it to be so. Complacency is the bedfellow of the modern man. I’ve often wondered what my father might say if I had ever asked him what it meant “to be a man,” and I often imagined he might grimace and say “ask your mother.”
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Through no fault of his, such a strict definition remains and has remained elusive to all generations (anyone who says otherwise doesn’t really understand the question in the first place). After I failed to answer it myself; despite more than a little philosophic deep sea diving, and having further failed to self-organize into the glimmering idol of vague accomplishment; it took some soul searching in the way of self-destruction for me to realize even the most rudimentary truths governing our one bedroom apartment in the vast cosmos.
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                Since that time I’ve expanded my knowledge significantly. However, knowledge comes at the price of intuition. Too many pre-conceived notions can be an entrapping fallacy. In that mindset I have pursued my most wild intuitions about everything from quantum mechanics to geopolitics. Some of those intuitions were laughably incorrect, and others eerily reflective of some admittedly great thinkers. Having experienced that connection, the light bulb, I’ve come to realize there is a universality among all things, a connectivity that springs from a common link – an elegant progenitor that lies yet undiscovered. It is what I call the Truth (with a capital T). It is analogous with God in the sweetest manner of blaspheming (by religious standards) but I think if there is a God, he’d be high fiving me.
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                All this searching has provided me with a framework that I hope will allow me to change the world in the positive way; first through the process of discovery, and second through creation.  But I’m beleaguered by demons. The Lyme infection, while ostensibly in remission, remains persistent in my central nervous system. Without proper testing methods (I’d have to fly to the states, get a spinal tap, all costing in the tens of thousands), I’m unable to confirm or deny this claim made through autonomic response testing by my current specialist. Don’t get me wrong, my doctor is the brightest I’ve met – but science is unprepared to solve problems that pertain to the central nervous system and to brain damage.   Walt Whitman once said “behold, I do not give lectures or a little charity, when I give, I give myself.” What this represents for me is the possibility space of human beings.  It’s often barked that all humans are created equal, but that’s just democratic bullshit. Newton was inventing calculus at 23 years of age.  Sarah Palin. Need I say more?
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                So what’s  left,  to accept this disease as a grander force than my fervor for truth? To accept my diminished cognitive function and memory? To cede to whatever voodoo motherfucker that has my number? I’m afraid not. In the spirit of Walt, self-improvement from the bottom-up will be synonymous with success in this dream. This manifesto is a two-fold pledge:
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To pursue the Truth:
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                Discover the wellspring. See how deep the rabbit hole goes. Once I’ve gone as far as I can (maybe as far as any human can), I’ll use what I’ve learned to build things from the bottom up; whether in materials science, neuroscience, synthetic biology, or philosophy (preferably not the last).
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To live for the world:
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                Use my talents and whatever knowledge I acquire to repair the damage I’ve incurred to my brain and CNS – thereby increasing my capability in accomplishing this and the first pledge.  Additionally, I vow to use this knowledge to unhinge the current status quo and to improve the lives of others as much as I can. To clarify: bandaging one wound is in my mind a good deed, but not good enough. I want to nuke the source, pierce the veil and strike down the corrupt temples of misinformation. I plan to attack systematic fulcrums for the maximization of human benefit.

                I pledge these things and consider them inherent in the pursuit of Truth itself. As such, meager aspects of life will be passed over.  Cultural hand-me-downs, age anxiety, breeding/love, status tokens, and otherwise meaningless creature comforts will never come before these goals. I will pursue them with everything I’ve got, and I’ll sacrifice anything except my health and my life.  If I should die before I’m finished, hopefully someone will find this, read it, and take up the torch.

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